I can feel you judging me through the phone.
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
I want you more than these girls want KFC
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
Randomize
