peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
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