i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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