then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
You are a booty call, not a friend.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
