btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
Randomize
