Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
Randomize
