my phone needs a breathalizer
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
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