Where you are. You must stay where you are are
Where you are. You must stay where you are arewhere are youu
Where you are. You must stay where you 5eare wher are you!!
i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
I still have a little drunk in my system
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
Randomize
