my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize
