sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
Randomize
