He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
Randomize
