i don't like sucking hair
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
Randomize
