Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
My dad just said "fuck circus"
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
I forgot wine drunk hurts
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
Randomize
