I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
Randomize
