swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
My vagina is officially offended.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
