Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
You've changed since you got that strap on
Randomize
