dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
Randomize
