saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
Randomize
