My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
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