Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Randomize