i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
