I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Randomize
