Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
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