chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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