Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
Randomize