Come see our sink grown plant.
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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