mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
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