i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Randomize
