My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
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