Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
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