take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
Randomize
