Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
Randomize
