best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
