Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Crop dusting thru forever 21
Randomize
