my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
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