you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
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