She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
Randomize
