i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Randomize
