I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
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