Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
Randomize
