So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
Randomize
