barbara walters just said penis...
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Randomize
