I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
Randomize
