Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
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