my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Randomize
