Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
Randomize
