Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
Your dad touched me again.
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
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