What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
