A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize
