One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
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