I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
Let the clothes fall where they may.
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
