sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
Randomize