The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Randomize
