considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
