this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
Randomize
