I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize