I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
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