i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
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