chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
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