Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
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