Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
Randomize
