i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
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