It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
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