haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
