I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
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