Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Randomize
