I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Randomize
