at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
Randomize
