We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
I think i sorta joined a cult last night
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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