you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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