Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
