My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Randomize
