I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
Randomize
