i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
Randomize
