a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Randomize
