This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
Randomize
