sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
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