I hate all girls vehemently.
69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
I just got carded by a ten year old.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
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