I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
Randomize
